Journey of Trust

Moved to a New Site

2011-11-03T14:21:00.000-07:00

As I use Wordpress for my self-hosted sites I decided to move this site to their free blogging platform for the sake of having the similar interface.

While I won't retire this site I won't be adding any new posts at this URL.

The new site will have the same title (Journey of Trust) and I have ported all this old content over. You can use the links in this post to access the new site. The primary differences will be that all new content will be added at that site and the site will have a different look to it since I will be using one of the Wordpress.com themes that are available.

Searching

2011-07-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Is any way clear ere I reach the goal?
Though only one course as a labyrinth
The serpentine way leaves this traveler wondering whether I come or go.
Even an elusive goal hovering on my minds periphery
Draws my dreamer's imagination into its midst.
As I finally navigate those final feet
Desires I refused to hope could be
Are revealed as His purpose, His gift to me
From the day He "wrote" my life into being.

A blessing waiting for His timing
To brighten a road of stress and trial.
Preparing me for the story of a life
Which will somehow touch others around me.
Supporting and encouraging through circumstances
Seeming interminable as they mount one on another.

Though each of us treads a unique path
His ultimate desire is for companionship from us.
He wishes us the joy of life that things and money can never provide.
Love and provision He possesses in abundance.
They will never be depleted
He must confer them on His creation.
We then reciprocate and reflect these qualities
For struggling companions along our route.

Lord, Protector and Provider

2009-06-04T12:42:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2009 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

Ensconced in Your embrace, I’m securely concealed
Your sanctuary high above shelters me from harm
My weary soul soaks in sustenance and renewal
Amidst the secluded retreat of Your presence

Dense, forbidding stone masks lush, peaceful meadows
Where Your children delight in unique fellowship
Guests are overwhelmed by blessings beyond human grasp
Your ever open arms beckon us to a much needed refuge.

June 2009
Melissa Meeks

Ever-Present Father

2009-05-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2009 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

You’ve seen all before I ever encounter it
You know my choices since the day I was conceived
‘Til the day I come home to You for Eternity
I cannot see the light of hope through the fog of adversity
Trapped in the deepest darkness of despair
Yet I want to believe it can only be up from here.

You should be all I need especially through storms & trials
Yet struggle to manage alone, cannot run to sheltering arms,
And the hand that holds me upright when I lean into it
You should be all I need or desire, though still I find
Physical touch and tangible support lacking,
Human connections rare or absent from my life.

That you should reach out and wrap Your arms around me
Now or ever seems impossible, yet if Your power
Conquers even death & erases every sin
How can I question Your love or ability to sustain me
Your hugs & touch must be beyond human imagining
Even if Your presence or proximity appears intangible.

May 2009
Melissa Meeks

Dreams

2008-09-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2008 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

Dear to my heart
Though ever so fragile
Desires alone comprise naught.
Dare I release them?
It could be You
Knocking at my heart.
Still –
I fear human voracity talking.
Your peace shall prevail
Multiply my blessings.
When I seek You –
I Risk – I Hope – I Fly!

September 2008
Melissa Meeks

Father of Love

2008-03-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2008 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

Wrapped in Your strong embrace
Sheltering arms engulf me
With Your Comfort and Peace
Despite the storms of life
Waves of turmoil cease in Your presence
Comfort and confidence that elude me
Emanate from You to permeate my being

Only You provide ultimate care and healing
The Divine Artist, able to reassemble the picture
In this puzzle You first created if I only let go
Allow You to freely arrange my unique pieces
Properly place them as You purposed
Breathtaking beauty and passion
Will blossom in Your service

February 2008
Melissa Meeks

Defining Me

2007-07-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2007 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

Only the One who created me
Can define who I am
Choices influence feeling and circumstances
But will never change Your love for me

I am Your Beloved,
A princess, daughter of the King
Your truth cannot change
You remain the same for eternity

I am unique, designed for a special role
Conceived by my heavenly Father’s vast imagination
There are no auditions
You embossed the script on my heart

If I define myself apart from Your design
The mire of life encompasses me
Your map for my journey becomes illegible
The path fades to nothingness

When I turn back to Your open arms
The way is obvious once more
Pursuing Your intent for me elicits true fulfillment
Your delight in me flourishes

July 2007
Melissa Meeks

Make Believe

2007-04-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2007 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

I need You.
Though I pretend
I can do it alone,
I’m in control of everything

It’s time to let go,
Stop making believe.
It’s time to trust You,
Give You the reins.

Until I let go,
Stop nursing my pride;
I can’t see You fully,
Nor receive Your blessings in life.

It’s time to let go,
Stop making believe.
It’s time to trust You,
Give You the reins.

You’ve always been
The One in charge;
But when I choose my way
Road blocks and walls loom near.

It’s time to let go,
Stop making believe.
It’s time to trust You,
Give You the reins.

When I give
It all to You,
Your mercy and
Faithfulness become ever more clear.

It’s time to let go,
Stop making believe.
It’s time to trust You,
Give You the reins.

When I trust
What I know of You,
Not my feelings or ability;
Your gifts will multiply to me.

April 2007
Melissa Meeks

Trust, A Choice Evidenced in Actions

2007-04-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2007 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

Trust, belief and faith are not feelings nor are they airy, obscure concepts. They are choices that are displayed in my actions of obedience to the object of my trust, belief and faith. This is especially true when it seems there is no logical reason for obeying or the expected results of an action, in society’s view, would be undesirable. However God honors our trust in Him and has never ceased to honor His promises nor broken faith with those who believe Him and come to Him. Many of the Scripture passages which share God’s promises also state or imply actions we are responsible for choosing to perform. I do want to clarify that God’s promises, while some are a result of our choices as seen in context in Scriptures, are not something we earn or deserve. He gives them and fulfills them faithfully but that doesn’t relieve us of our responsibilities in the relationship. As stated earlier - trust, belief and faith are choices evidenced by my behavior and actions. God honors those choices by fulfilling the promises of His Word.

In the last 6 years I have been unemployed for a period of time at four different points that I recall. The first three points took months before I found new employment, as well as a number of weeks or months to process my reactions and bounce back from the emotional turmoil I experienced. Looking back on these periods, I can now see that I was relying on myself to “fix” things and make it all come out right instead of giving everything up to God’s control. In my mind my life was “out of control” at the time and my human nature desired something I could hang onto and have a sense of directing. This last time around I still reacted to the circumstances and experienced some degree of emotional turmoil at the onset, however, I spent significantly less time working things through to a point where it wasn’t a hindrance to my functioning “normally”. I quickly let go and allowed God to take the reins that had never really been in my hands to start with. As one of my friends recently mentioned, “I bounced back very quickly despite the situation and my reactions to it.” This friend also told me that based on his experiences - the “bounce-back” time is a much more accurate measure of how we handle a situation than the resolution time for that situation.

When I experience trials or tough circumstances I find that keeping my focus on the circumstances encourages a negative attitude but making choices which quickly turn the focus back to the Lord helps me to “bounce back” quicker. When I am in the midst of these troubles it helps to commit to myself and the Lord, with His help of course, to take steps that keep my focus where it belongs.

This time I chose not to camp in the “poor me” stage, beating myself up for things that were in the past and prolonging the emotional canyon as well as cutting it increasingly deeper. Continuing to struggle along and do things myself in the past only added to the frustration and depression that already hounded me in response to the job losses. However, this time while I didn’t just sit there waiting for God to magically “fix” everything for me, I moved forward and allowed God to steer me as I took steps whether or not they were initially in the “right” direction. The course of movement isn’t as important as the choice to move and the fact of following through on that choice. As another friend of mine says, “God can’t steer a parked car.”

When I choose to trust Him it is displayed through my actions. Stepping out and continuing to move while letting go of my human desire to “be the one in control” (or so it seems at the time). When I give Him the reins He honors my faith. The hopes and desires He has planted in me soon begin to make themselves known and start to bud. Through this letting go process of trusting He also blesses me in proportion to the level of confidence I choose to place in His steadfast, reliable character and promises. This is even more true when the outcome of the actions I take because of trusting Him is outside my view at the time, as that is truly faith.

As I read and study God’s Word it is helpful to think, “What promises does this passage offer for me personally? What are the choices or actions that are my responsibility in order to claim these promises, in other words how can I show God I trust that He will keep those promises to me? What choices do I make now on a daily basis and what choices should I start making telling God and others that I trust His Word explicitly?”

April 2007
Melissa Meeks

Get Off the Roller-Coaster, Run to Him

2007-01-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

Copyright 2007 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

Emotions cannot have free rein and keep my life stable, on an even keel. When I allow them to run rampant and dictate how things go the results can be disastrous for my well-being. No longer am I anchored in truth and reality but ride the roller-coaster of “I-can-do-it-myself” with its climbs to the pinnacles which overlook all surrounding them but are inevitably followed by a plummet to the depths of despair. Each time this descent seems to last longer once I reach the bottom which always seems to be lower. If I would simply stop to listen and give my full attention to the Lord I could disembark from this roller-coaster onto the solid, stable pavement of God’s eternal truth. The simple act of pursuing Him and making our relationship a priority can result in a huge difference in my outlook and my responses to the things that come my way.

January 2007
Melissa Meeks

Choose to Relinquish Control, Trust Him

2006-10-10T00:00:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2006 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

He molds me into Christ’s image through the tough times. Often I am stubborn and stiff. I resist Truth because it brings with it the necessity of taking responsibility for ignoring what I already know to be true. When I am hard headed about trusting Him, He is forced to get my attention with increasingly stringent circumstances until my self-dependency comes up a failure. I have nowhere left to go as I finally realize I was never equipped to do it all myself and now that truth becomes reality as I hit the wall of impossibilities. When that wall looms closer and sometimes even hits harder, at some point I am forced to let go and trust the only one who can make a difference even if my humanity sees His way as the least appealing choice among many options. Trust may be earned between humans but with God regardless of having proven Himself it can become my last resort when other attempts leave me crushed and broken at the base of a brick wall that though I was responsible for building it piece by piece through my choices I allowed myself to ram into it instead of choosing to trust the One who could get me to the next step of my story if I simply followed as He made the way apparent to me.

October 2006
Melissa Meeks

Help Me

2006-09-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2006 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

You provide above and beyond what I could ever imagine
Help me to use it all for Your glory
Help me to leave it in Your hands where it belongs
And to use it as You would have it used

Your peace abides with me
Due to Your faithfulness, love and grace
Help me to claim that peace and live in it
My anxiety should be a thing of the past
No longer does it have a hold or place in my life

You watch over and protect me
You guard my life from enemies and danger
Help me to be diligent in caring for Your temple
To keep it healthy and safe to the best of my ability with Your aid
Help me to put my skills and talents and who I am to use to glorify You
To perform the ministry and testimony to Your work in my life
That you have for me

September 2006
Melissa Meeks

Nothing Left to Cry

2003-06-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2003 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

For most of my life I’ve known of the Way yet was still lost. To many people that may sound impossible. However the Way I refer to is Jesus Christ and it requires much more than just an intellectual knowledge of “facts” to experience the benefits He offers.

I can’t remember a time in my childhood when Sundays and other church events were not a normal part of our family routine but I also can’t remember a time when I felt like I truly belonged. Children at school ostracized and made fun of me. Adults I looked up to ignored me or didn’t have time because there were too many “fires” to put out. The few adults that seemed to care about me, I also thought had expectations that I didn’t and never could meet. The problem with this was that I magnified my insecurities by projecting my own unrealistic expectations on others and assuming that they expected the same of me. This pattern of thought only perpetuated itself and eventually fed into even further emotional disarray in my life.

As an adult many years later circumstances pushed me beyond emotional control to the point I almost entirely isolated myself from contact with other people. This isolation and emotional turmoil eventually fell into a cycle of depression where even the good days were a struggle just to make it through whatever the day held- work, church, etc. This was only if I even made it out the door for anything that at the time I considered optional which meant pretty much everything but work.

After many months perhaps even longer, I decided to attend a nearby church for the Saturday night singles class/fellowship they offered. Even this was very sporadic for a long while on my part.

Eventually I made some other connections at the church through others from this Saturday night group and also met a woman who became my roommate for a period of time. During this time the woman encouraged me to attend regular worship at the church which I eventually did. Through speakers at the Singles classes and church services I slowly began to recognize that I had walked away from God and allowed Satan to entrench his ways in my life through my thinking patterns.

As I was coming to recognize the negative patterns I had allowed to flourish in my life many tears were shed. Over time my heart began to crack and eventually that broken heart of mine had shed so many tears it seemed my well was entirely dry ~ at this point there was no option left but to surrender and allow God His way in my life. As I was nearing this surrender point, there were times when the tears came of their own volition and seemed to have very little bearing on the situation and environment around me. Through one of these episodes of unquenchable and ,as I considered it at the time, embarrassing tears and sobbing ~ I met a wonderful woman at church who became a mentor and friend as well as an encouragement in my life. She provided tools and insight from her experiences that helped break the hold Satan had in my life for so many years. She showed me how to fight the battle in God’s invincible power which cannot lose the war. She also continued to support me as the strongholds of the evil one were tumbling down around his ankles and he was routed from my life. The initial battle has been won but the war for freedom in Christ is only beginning and will continue as long as I am here on earth. Thanks to the Lord and His power in addition to the wisdom, caring and support of a number of wonderful people He brought into my life at the right times, I know that victory is mine in the Lord. I also know that the release and freedom I have found cannot be taken by Satan unless I allow him a foothold again.

June 2003
Melissa Meeks

So Many Tears

2003-06-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Copyright 2003 by Melissa Meeks - All Rights Reserved

So many tears fallen from my broken heart, there’s nothing left to cry. Yet through the hopelessness and pain I found healing. Healing that comes from the Lord’s love and is only given when we fully surrender to Him. It took the extreme of total brokenness in my life, realizing I was powerless to change on my own, to force me to do what it took to initiate the only possible catalyst for change. The hopelessness and powerlessness of my situation left me no other choice than to surrender to God and let Him send the walls of strongholds tumbling to the ground and chase Satan and his minions to the far corners of the world where they no longer have a grip on my life (mind, heart, etc).

June 2003
Melissa Meeks